Rules vs. Love

Today's Orthodox Quote is from St. John of Kronstadt:

"Worthless is the charity of the man who bestows it unwillingly, because material charity is not his, but God’s gift, whilst only the disposition of the heart belongs to him. This is why many charities prove almost worthless, for they were bestowed unwillingly, grudgingly, without respect for the person of our neighbor." (My Life in Christ p.142)

This fits right in with the things I was thinking about this morning as I was sitting on the couch with Tiernan, who got up at 5am today.  I have a strong tendency to want to have things laid out for me in clear sets of instructions.  I want a rule to to follow to know I'm doing things right, especially in my spiritual walk.  Of course this is silly and upside down but it's how my brain works I guess.

One example of my rule obsession is fasting.  The Melkite Church has certain rules about fasting on Wednesday and Friday and during certain seasons of the Church year.  Because I can't eat gluten, and because I am trying very hard to avoid grains in general, I have found following the vegan form of the fast very difficult and have felt guilty about changing the "rules" to fit my needs.  I had a short chat with Fr. Hezekias about it and he explained to me that it's not about following some set of rules, in fact the Eastern Church does not really have rules we must follow, but has invitations to participate in the Love of Christ by disciplining our whole being through prayer and fasting.  Fasting could be as minimal as simply pausing before a meal to say a prayer even, as long as our attention has turned to God we are doing fine.  My fasting involves the timing of meals and the quantity, not exactly what I eat.  

Another example of my rule obsession is prayer.  I really want to be able to pray Orthros (Morning Prayer) and Vespers (Evening Prayer) and Kathisma Psalms each day, but I cannot manage to get it done for various reasons, even though it only takes about a half hour each.  Of course prime among the reasons I can't seem to manage it is a certain small boy who gets up at 5am!  When I talked to Abouna about the weakness of my prayer life he reminded me that I'm not living in a monastery able to pray the various offices and the Psalms, which is exactly what I had been attempting to do.  He recommended instead that I "salt the day with prayer" by simple short prayers throughout the day, making the sign of the cross when going out the door or getting in the car, blessing the children when they get up with the sign of the cross on their foreheads "In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit"  Of course prayer before meals too.  We do have a very short prayer time as family most every evening around 7:30 in between dinner and the bedtime movie/story the boys get.  We sing the Trisagion prayers before the Icon of Christ at our Icon corner.  Then we reverence the Icon of Christ by kissing it. 

The Trisagion Prayers

Blessed + is our God at all times, now and ever and unto ages of ages.  Amen.

Glory to You, our God, glory to You.  Heavenly King, Consoler, Spirit of Truth, present in all places and filling all things, the Treasury of Blessings and the Giver of life, come and dwell in us, cleanse us of all stain, and save our souls, O Good One.

Holy + God!  Holy Mighty One!  Holy Immortal One! Have mercy on us. (Three times with Metany, which is reaching the right hand to the floor in a bow and then making the sign of the cross)

Glory be to the Father + and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages.  Amen.

All Holy Trinity, have mercy on us!  Lord forgive us our sins!  Master, pardon our transgressions!  Holy One, look upon us and heal our infirmities for Your name's sake.

Lord, have mercy!   Lord, have mercy!  Lord, have mercy!

Glory be to the Father + and to the Son and to the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen.

Our Father, who art in Heaven, hallowed be Thy name.  Thy Kingdom come, Thy will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.  Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

For Thine is the Kingdom, and the power and the glory, of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit, now and ever and unto ages of ages.

Amen!